Monday, March 26, 2012

Mama is an addict

Mama and Babies first visit to Amsterdam's Apple store's grand opening.
Hello, my name is Catina and I am an addict. I am addicted to Apple products. No not the ones you eat otherwise I wouldnt be shaped like an apple. I am addicted to the pretty white, shiny ones that have cool apps and keep me connected to The World of Adults.

I will never forget the day this past summer when my addiction first began. I held the little white i-phone in my hand, stroking tenderly the screen and not yet aware of the magic that was inside. I first downloaded the Facebook application and it went crazy from there.

I was connected to a world other than wiping butts and snotty noses. I was once again part of the real world, The World of Adults. I was free at last.

And then my bubble was burst...a fellow Mama i-phone Owner said to me (after I was bragging how much it had changed my life) how she had an addiction and she was trying to stay off of hers. What! I thought, what blasphemy! There was nothing more wonderful than the i-phone. I held my little baby tight and vowed I would never let it go.

About six months later and a million times of constantly checking my email, Facebook or whatever the fad app of the week is, I realize I have an addiction. My friend was right...Mama is an addict! Being connected to The World of Adults is not always a good thing. I became crazy reading the Mommy sites, forums and groups (which talk about crazy people, these mommies! That's another blog post) I went bananas seeing who commented on my Facebook posts. I was tired. I was beaten. I barely had enough attention to give to my smelly, snot-nosed babies much less my pretty little baby Apple.

So I have decided it's time to break my addiction. I only allow myself to creep Facebook or surf the net three times a day on my phone, for a start. I will slowly ween myself off Apple like I did my kids from the bottle...Slowly, taking one day at a time, and maybe finding a substitute, like my i-pad (just kidding, maybe not). I know there will be set-backs. I know the grueling path it will be, but I can do it.  I am going to control this addiction! One day I will be Apple free...ok well, not totally, I will always need to text message, call, check the weather, check the traffic...!

Monday, March 12, 2012

About to go down on the playground

The infamous Slide
WARNING: Red-neck post!
It was about to go down today in the neighborhood playground! It all started when we went to our park in the 'hood to play after school and Baby's Daddy's sister (my sister-in-law) and her son came with us too.

We were sitting there watching the kids play together on the Jungle Jim and actually having an adult conversation. The kids were climbing up and down the slide attached to the Jungle Jim, acting out one of their imaginary scenes, probably playing pirates.

In the meantime came along Psycho Mom and her little 3 year-oldish daughter. First of all, she was following behind her daughter like a body-guard, even climbing up the rope ladder behind her on the Jungle Jim. Then she followed her across the bridge to the slide where our kids were minding their own business playing. Her daughter wanted to slide, so our kids moved over politely (I was actually surprised) and let the little girl and Psycho Mom slide.

At first, I didn't judge Psycho Mom, I just thought in the back of my head, OK this was strange, but every parent was different. Then Psycho Mom abruptly scooped-up her daughter from the slide and that's when the psycho alarm went off.

Her little girl wanted to play with our kids and climb on the slide. But Psycho Mom immediately said "No" pulling her little girl just in ear-shot of where we were sitting on the bench. She began to lecture her poor child on how she couldn't help what other mother's let their children do, but she was not allowed to climb on the slide. She went on talking about how kids shouldn't climb up slides, blah, blah and other mothers should know this and other mothers shouldn't let it happen. Very loud!

What? Was she talking about moi? No she didn't!  I couldn't believe it. I looked at my sister-in-law and she had the exact same look of disbelief. Ok, so this wasn't a culture thing, this lady was insulting our parenting skills out loud and too chicken poo-poo to say it to our faces. I could feel my blood boil and the redneck beast raging inside. I felt my heart beat faster and my head started the "I'm-gettin'-ready-to-go-off-on-her" bobble.

I imagined myself stomping over to Psycho Mom, grabbing her by her already spiked hair telling her to "say it to my face." I imagined swinging her around-and-around like a lasso with my Super Human Redneck Mama powers until she apologized for questioning our parenting skills. She would beg me for mercy and say we were the best mommies in the world...Ahhhh the satisfaction...No, I told the beast, I couldn't set such an example for my kids, two wrongs didn't make a right.

I was able to ward off the Redneck-ness and I guess, out of defense, my sister-in-law and I just began to laugh, and laugh loudly, watching our kids Rule the slide. Even though we were both shocked at what had just went down, we kept it cool.

And we didn't give Psycho Mom the courtesy "look-away-because I sympathize-with you-and don't-want-you-to-feel bad" when her daughter began the tantrum of all tantrums. We glared at Psycho Mom's every move as she then struggled to strap-down her little girl twisting and turning into the buggy. We watched until she and her hysterically screaming child faded into the neighborhood sunset.

We turned our attention back to our dumplings, so sweet...giggling, enjoying life and throwing wood chips all over the slide, just being normal healthy kids. Revenge was sweet!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Pre-school pregnancy and Toddler gender issues

The Herengracht at night
My children are 4 and 2 years old and already my son has informed me he is pregnant and my daughter says she is now a boy. I'm a pretty liberal mama, but I didn't expect such issues this early in my travels through motherhood.

It all started with my son, who told me just before bedtime he was pregnant with his first child, a teddy bear. He even pulled up his shirt to show me exactly where the baby was lying somewhere around his lungs (he probably has fetus memories sitting on mine).

After a stifled giggle, I said "Ok, but sweetie girls have babies." 
"No mamma I'm gonna have a baby, boys can have babies too."
 His eyes danced with excitement and I couldn't be the one to ruin one of his very first aspirations. I just couldn't take that away at that very moment, there was plenty of time I thought. And he was so proud.

The next day the baby was gone, but a week later he was preggers again, but this time it was a baby girl. This cycle continued for a few weeks. And with each pregnancy I gave him a big hug and told him I couldn't wait to be a grandma.  I told him how much I loved his baby already and he agreed, he loved it too. For those few moments I saw 20 years into the future, or at least I hope so...

The Pre-school pregnancy phase ended just like all the phases before and I survived once again! Yay me! Now for the next phase: Naked butt dance in public...

In the middle of all the pregnancies, my daughter also told me about her life changing experience. I am on the toilet putting on the pee-pee on the potty show for her and she says, "Mama, im a boy."

My heart broke in half, "No sweetie you are a girl like mama."
"No im a boy like papa. I want a peepee."

"But mama is a girl," I said. "Don't you wanna be a girl like mama?"
"No, I wanna be like papa."

You could hear the knife go straight through my heart to the other side. "Ok, I said "you are mamas little baby boy then.''

So, now I have two sons and one of them keeps getting knocked up. What next? Do I dare even guess? No, that is the most important lesson motherhood has taught me. Love them through each and every phase. Now if I could just get my son to keep his moon in his pants!