Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Why the world should stop worrying about Zwarte Piet and see what's happening in Dutch McDonald's

Are you wondering what in the world could be more important than ending one of the most anticipated Dutch traditions for millions of non-racist children? 

Well take a look, canines are taking over the Dutch McDonalds.

This is an outrage! Call the UN! Someone needs to put a stop to this while we can. 

And to top it off, the McDonalds staff are feeding the dogs, welcoming them with McTreats! 

I am sure the McDonald brothers are rolling in their graves.  I am sure when they opened the first McDonald's restaurant they never imagined such a thing! 

Besides, the staff don't hand feed me McNuggets when I come to eat. It's discrimination people, I'm telling you before you know it our kind (human) won't be welcomed anymore.

What is next with these Dutch people? 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Mama, do you like your butt?

Mama, do you like your butt? My daughter asked me last night.

Not a question I expected after reading her a Curious George bedtime story. Where in the hell did this question come from?

Honestly, I had not thought about in a while. Did I like my butt? Well, I thought a lot about how big it had grown and how I wished it would fit in a pair of normal jeans, or how I wished it wouldn't hang out when I bent over. I tried for years to make it smaller, but of course, since having kids, I decided to give up.

But she asked me about now, at that moment, did I like my butt?

Then it dawned on me. “Yes, Charly I do like my butt.”

“Why do you like your butt Mama?”

Good question, why did I like my butt? Hmmmm…

“Well Charly, I like it because it’s mine, it’s a part of me and I like me.”

“But why do you like IT?” she persisted. I was in trouble; she wasn't falling for superficial answers. I had to be honest.

Then “Baby Got Back” started playing over and over in my head.

“Because it’s round and juicy, like a bubble”, I blurted out.

“Mama, you are silly, what does that mean.”

I thought about it again. Yes, my booty was round and juicy and would make Kim Kardashian's derriere look like a Pancake Butt. But I did like it. Yes, matter of fact I loved it!

“Charly, I like it because it doesn't look like anyone else’s butt. It’s not perfect and it barely fits in a pair of pants, but I love the way it feels like a cushion when I sit. It is very strong, it helps me lift you guys up and if I fall it helps protect my bones.”

Little did she know, that her Mama, almost age 40 was finally learning to love the goods God gave her.  I was far from perfect and why in the world would I want to be? Just because it was what society pumped into our heads from the time we were born as little girls? 

No, I was a real woman and my daughter needed to see that being a real woman was something to be proud of, something to love. I wanted to give my daughter a chance. I knew I couldn't protect her from what she saw in the media and heard from friends, but I wanted to be a role model for her. I wanted to be her base. I wanted her to see a healthy and happy person who loves herself, flaws and everything. I wanted her to be proud of her junk in the trunk!

This was the best gift I could ever give her and I decided from that point on, I would love myself, bubble butt, saggy boobs, muffin top belly and all. And for the first time in my life I meant it, thanks to my four year old daughter.

"I like your butt too Mama, it's soft and snuggle-buggle."

Tears in my eyes, I hugged my baby girl. "Charly, you are so right! Mama's got back!"

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Why I think my son is the next van Gogh

I know, it oozes talent
Am I the only mother who could stare at something their child created for an hour?

God, I hope not. I hope I am not the only mother mesmerized by some drawing or clay figure their child has made.

No lie, when my five year old draws and colors one of his pictures of a shark eating a fish, I swipe it up from him like an original Monet and just marvel at his talent until the screams of “Mommy give it back” bring me back to reality.

When I look at his pictures I see nothing but brilliance. I see a story, his imagination spread out on a sheet of paper. My heart becomes all warm and fuzzy and I can feel the tears well-up in my eyes.

Now granted, if you or some other random person saw this picture then you would probably see a round blob with sharp teeth chasing other round blobs.

But I see a great white shark with his enormous killing power chasing a school of tuna through the raging sea. God my son is a genius!

Nothing you can say about these scribbles could ever change my mind…Nothing…ever…

And the thing that intrigues me the most is that I created this little person. I grew him in my belly, he came out looking like an alien and the alien grew into a little boy who is able to create such treasures.

I think that’s also why I collect every single drawing he has ever made.  I can’t even imagine throwing one away in the bin. It would be like throwing a little piece of him away, like an arm or a leg.

Ok, I am beginning to sound a bit Psycho-child-obsessed-Mom. And maybe I am, or maybe I am just so in love with my kids and hope that one day they believe in themselves the way I believe them.

Either way, I am just gonna keep on snitching these drawings from my son and plastering them all over my workspace. And I’m dying for my daughter to start creating masterpieces…the laundry will never get done then!