Then I respond in my very annoyed, somewhat defensive voice, "But honey, every child is different and it's just a phase."
You see, as women are more perceptive than men, I learned this awful truth some time ago and have been free ever since. The only problem was I could never convince Baby Daddy that these people were full of shit and their kids would probably end up in Juevy by age nine.
Now don't get me wrong, our kids are far from perfect. My son has inherited his Dad's laziness (He shits in the tub at 5) and my daughter can be as bitchy as her mother (she has no friends at daycare). But in general, they are sweet kids who go through all the same phases as any other child.
Yet, according to the "expert parents" that Baby Daddy comes in contact with, our children are little terrorists and we are in desperate need of a Super Nanny intervention.
However, last night Baby Daddy came home after a work "drink" and gave me a shock of a lifetime.
He sat down beside me like he normally does when he wants to regurgitate something he has learned from Holland's Best Parent. I began to sweat, nervous and somehow knew this was going to be some serious business.
He sighed and leaned over and said, "Baby, parents lie about their kids".
WTF? Did he really say this I wondered. I pinched myself on the leg. Ouch, yes he really said it.
I was getting excited at his revelation, but I could feel the disappointment in his voice. He began to shake his head and seemed to be replaying all those conversations we had about the best advice that never worked with our own kids.
Then he lifted his head and I could see the relief in his eyes when he realized he wasn't a failure after all.
Finally, Baby Daddy got it! Amen! My suffering was over! He was free!
"Lies, it was all lies. Their kids have problems, too."
"Yes, sweetie, all kids have issues, it's all part of learning."
"Why," he asked me, "why do they lie about their kids?"
So I gave him a big hug and looked into his eyes and said, "Because Sweety, they didn't have amazing parents like us to teach them that every time they tell a lie, a blue strip appears on their forehead."