Tuesday, January 28, 2014

How did I become a mother?

I feel horrible for not having the time to post anything lately, even though I have lots to tell you. But hopefully soon I can recover from the holiday craziness and the war against the lice to actually post something new. Here is a guest post from last year on the Amsterdam Mamas website...

Hold On and Never Let Go

“You will never have a child of your own,” uttered my fertility doctor as he stood there like a block of ice. “There is just nothing we can do for you at this point.”

Standing up from his desk, he quickly ushered me into the hallway telling me to make an appointment for a follow-up in a few months.

I remember walking down the hall to the lobby, nurses staring at me like I was walking down death row. Sympathetic eyes, distant eyes and eyes that just seemed to pass over me. It seemed like the entire office knew my sentence, but no one said a word.

It was torture for me as I sat there in the waiting room looking out over the landscape of pregnant bellies. There were rows of bellies, in all shapes and sizes, and I seemed to be the only one without a bump. The diagnosis played in my head over and over again like a broken record: “Premature Ovarian Failure, Premature Ovarian Failure, Nothing further we can do for you.”

I was 33 years-old, and I felt like my life had ended. My lifelong dream to become a mother shattered. Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) meant that my ovaries were empty, and I was in a sort of early menopause. I had gone off the pill just nine months prior, and I was so excited to have a baby after years of focusing on my education and career. I was finally at a point in my life where it felt like the right time.

I was arrogant thinking I could easily get pregnant. Both my mother and grandmother had four kids, so of course I assumed I was fertile. But the only thing I did not factor in was that, yes they had children, but they were in their early twenties. This condition is hereditary and both were finished with menopause by age 40. I was too late, and I had an egg count and FSH hormone level at menopausal level to prove it.

Head on over to the Amsterdam Mamas website for the rest of my post...


  1. So the question is ! How did you become a mom. Actually you don't have to answer that none of my business, just glad you are enjoying your angels. Remember the older they get the harder it is enjoy them while they are young. There is a heck of a cold spell in your home state. Up here in the Pacific Northwest we have missed most of the cold but are having snow flurries as I write. Will most likely have to do some snow plowing in the next couple of days. I want to move to Aruba Erna

    1. Hi Erna, no I am very open about my struggle to have kids. It was actually a medical miracle, they couldnt explain. I think the snow just missed my folks, think they mostly got ice. I hope we get some snow here soon, its hardly feels like winter! Stay warm!!

    2. Yes it is snowing here, very senic and 28 F. My husband received a picture from his sister of her snow covered car in Wilson N. C. Hard to believe they have aything measurable. Glad you have your miracles. One of each is fun. Even if you had the same sex they are always different as night and day.


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