Well that was week 2...

What a difference a week can make! I can not even list all the life lessons I have either tried, failed at or learned in the past week.

Week two was so different from week one! The first week I wasn't sleeping from anxiety, the kids were on a tight schedule and I was preparing for the apocalypse ordering gluten free food online. Every parenting site and group repeated over and over, keep the kids on a schedule, it's so important.

And that is I did the first week! We had our day planned out like a military boot camp. I woke them early, they went to "school" online then followed by chores and pre-lunch outdoor time. They got dressed in new clothes every day, brushed their hair and showered. It was like nothing had changed from normal life, except we were stuck inside for most of the day.

By Friday I WAS EXHAUSTED! Not to mention, I wasn't able to get much work done at my full time job that pays the bills. I spend the entire week being the family police officer. The kids were also exhausted and couldn't wait for the weekend so the could "relax".

Over the weekend I began to stress about Monday and the cycle of our quarantined life. Monday came like a tornado through a box of matches.

We were a mess. The kids were stressed as much as I was just at the thought of facing another week like we had in week one. We were snapping at another and you could cut the negativity in the house with a knife.

I was coming apart at the seams and at that moment I had my daily call with my manager (who is also a mother) and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I was barely hanging on and she listened. She told me not to let work stress me out but to focus on my family. That was the most important thing at the moment.

Then she said something that would change everything for me: She said this whole thing with COVID-19 was a MARATHON! A marathon, so we needed to take it easy on ourselves so we can make it to the finish.

And that was what I needed to hear...

After that conversation, I gave not only myself but also my kids a break. By the end of the week, I was letting them sleep later, stay in their PJs as long as they wanted and who cares if they brushed their hair (as long as they brushed their teeth).

It was a stark contrast from week one, but it was a change that made all the difference for our family. I'm not only more positive and enjoying this time, but so are the kids. We see all the good things coming from this situation and the way people are taking care of each other.

This weekend they are relaxed and looking forward to each day again. We agreed that even though week two was great that we would have a "Loose" schedule in week three. And they will be paid "mama and papa dollars" for their chores (I've set up a little store in my bedroom where they can buy things with their earned dollars.)

So come on week three! We are ready!

Riding the waves

It comes in waves, like a storm surge or tsunami and then it' s over. It's quiet and I'm able to think again.

It's been happening all week. Anxiety.

Health, kids, food, schedule, homeschooling, work, mental health, cleaning the house, cooking, worry, worry, worry, worry...

It's been so overwhelming this week. I think things would be much easier if NL was on lock down. Then I wouldn't worry as much. Then I would know people are taking care of themselves and even more importantly taking care of those at risk. But if I look on the streets and in the shops, it scares me. It scares me also for my family. It scares me for my frail 89 year old neighbor downstairs. It scares me for my nephew half way across the world.

And my babies...I am so worried about my babies. I had quite a panic on Friday evening with my daughter. She was dry coughing and not feeling well all week, pretty much the same symptoms I had earlier. Then all of a sudden she had a headache and really didn't feel well. I felt the back of her neck and she was burning up.

But I had no working thermometer. I've searched to buy one for two weeks, but everywhere was sold out. I have an old digital one, but it doesn't work properly. When I took her temperature in the middle of the day it read 34,5 C.

There was no choice so I took her temperature again with the broken thermometer and it read 36,4 C.  I couldn't be sure if this meant her temperature was 2 degrees higher than what its was earlier in the day.

The only thing I could do was sleep beside her and check the back of her neck with  my hand during the night. Luckily, the fever broke the next day and now, two days later she feels a little better. I'm sure it's a cold but in these times my mind wanders down crazy paths.

Speaking of crazy paths my mind wanders down, every morning when I wake up, I lie in bed and assess how different parts of my body are feeling.

Is my chest hurting? How's my throat? Does my head ache? Am I feverish? Am I short of breath? I KNOW!! CRAZY!

I'm not in the high risk group, but after reading news coming out of the US, I'm worried more now than ever. Therefore, I've decided to stay off news sites for the time being. Don't get me wrong, I care what is going on, jI just care about my mental health more. Right now my priority is to take care of myself and my family.

Today the stormy sea in my head is a bit calmer. When I woke up this morning and the merry-go-round of thoughts came rushing in, I just let it pass through me. I decided today I would focus on gratitude. I was grateful the sun was shining. I was grateful I could get out of bed and grateful for the snoring I heard next door in my daughter's room.

So today it's gratitude and I will worry about tomorrow when I wake up tomorrow...And ride the waves the best I can...

Camp Corona Day 2: I'm scared

Let me start off by saying, it's such a surreal time. But in a strange way, it's not. We've seen this type of scenario in numerous movies and we've heard the tales of SARS, MERS and Ebola.

But now it's here in our comfy little bubble and I will not lie, I am scared. I wasn't scared until last night. Just before bed I watched videos from people with the COVID-19 speaking on social media. To hear what how they described the disease and how it effects everyone in a different way.

I guess for the past month, the closer COVID-19 got to my tiny little bubble in Amsterdam the more I pushed the reality of it away, thinking to myself "well only elderly people get it" and "it will never come this far". I was in denial. Even though, thanks to my job in communications and writing about the virus, I knew the facts and latest information.

Then it all happened so fast. Thursday 12, March the prime minister comes on TV and says it's getting a little serious and people should work from home. And the hoarding began.

Even scarier than getting sick for me is the hoarding. My son and I are celiac, meaning there's not much choice of processed foods for us. We can't eat gluten and I am also allergic to soy. Leaving us with a healthy diet of fruits, veggies, gluten free meats and lots of other whole foods like beans and nuts.

But when I walked into not one but two supermarkets on Friday evening, there was NOTHING I could buy us to eat. The gluten free section was cleaned out. The rice and potatoes were gone. Fruits, veggies, meats and frozen foods as well. I began to panic. And I wondered how could people do this, don't they know better. I could have and probably should have hoarded the day before. But I didn't and now I was left with an empty basket. Luckily I had some rice at home and beans and the next day I went to a supermarket further away from the city and was able to buy food for several days. Thankfully people are hoarding less (except toilet paper).

I'm still stressed like hell about food in these times though.
I'm stressed about my health, since in the last 4 weeks I have had a stomach virus, the flu, and then the same stomach virus again.
I'm stressed about keeping my family sane and the kids busy.
I'm stressed about the continuation of my work, getting things done while homeschooling the kids.

BUT the biggest stress of all is my husband's job as a journalist. We had to make a decision as a family to support him even though it will put us in danger of getting infected. We set some strict guidelines in the house this morning to protect ourselves from him. We have to social distance even in our own home.

It's his job and we have to support him. Especially in these uncertain times. And we have to support another however we can...I think I need to call a friend now to talk about this and hopefully the anxiety will let up.