Sunday, March 22, 2020

Riding the waves

It comes in waves, like a storm surge or tsunami and then it' s over. It's quiet and I'm able to think again.

It's been happening all week. Anxiety.

Health, kids, food, schedule, homeschooling, work, mental health, cleaning the house, cooking, worry, worry, worry, worry...

It's been so overwhelming this week. I think things would be much easier if NL was on lock down. Then I wouldn't worry as much. Then I would know people are taking care of themselves and even more importantly taking care of those at risk. But if I look on the streets and in the shops, it scares me. It scares me also for my family. It scares me for my frail 89 year old neighbor downstairs. It scares me for my nephew half way across the world.

And my babies...I am so worried about my babies. I had quite a panic on Friday evening with my daughter. She was dry coughing and not feeling well all week, pretty much the same symptoms I had earlier. Then all of a sudden she had a headache and really didn't feel well. I felt the back of her neck and she was burning up.

But I had no working thermometer. I've searched to buy one for two weeks, but everywhere was sold out. I have an old digital one, but it doesn't work properly. When I took her temperature in the middle of the day it read 34,5 C.

There was no choice so I took her temperature again with the broken thermometer and it read 36,4 C.  I couldn't be sure if this meant her temperature was 2 degrees higher than what its was earlier in the day.

The only thing I could do was sleep beside her and check the back of her neck with  my hand during the night. Luckily, the fever broke the next day and now, two days later she feels a little better. I'm sure it's a cold but in these times my mind wanders down crazy paths.

Speaking of crazy paths my mind wanders down, every morning when I wake up, I lie in bed and assess how different parts of my body are feeling.

Is my chest hurting? How's my throat? Does my head ache? Am I feverish? Am I short of breath? I KNOW!! CRAZY!

I'm not in the high risk group, but after reading news coming out of the US, I'm worried more now than ever. Therefore, I've decided to stay off news sites for the time being. Don't get me wrong, I care what is going on, jI just care about my mental health more. Right now my priority is to take care of myself and my family.

Today the stormy sea in my head is a bit calmer. When I woke up this morning and the merry-go-round of thoughts came rushing in, I just let it pass through me. I decided today I would focus on gratitude. I was grateful the sun was shining. I was grateful I could get out of bed and grateful for the snoring I heard next door in my daughter's room.

So today it's gratitude and I will worry about tomorrow when I wake up tomorrow...And ride the waves the best I can...

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