It is hard to believe that just over 4 years ago the doctors told me I would never have kids. I will never forgot that day sitting in my fertility doctor's office and listening to him explain my diagnosis - Premature Ovarian Failure. It was like I was watching a movie of someone else's life. All I heard was mumble, mumble..."You will never have children of your own."
Well I showed him! Four years later I have two little healthy munchkins that have become my entire world, literally. I eat, sleep and breath poopy diapers, pee-pee on the floor, crying, screaming...I could go one forever, and also with the positive things. Like when they laugh. If I hear a laugh, then all negative smells and thoughts vaporize. Don't get me wrong, I love my munchkins.
But someone forgot to turn the menopause off! I didn't notice the symptoms too much at first. I blamed them on sleep deprivation, breast feeding and anything that had to do with having two kids in diapers. But when God performed a miracle of making my babies sleep through the night, the reality of menopause hit me in the face (well at least that is what I look like).
Sleepless nights, night sweats, mood swings, irritability...now I know why women can reproduce at such a young age...because they should. Because it's hell to be in menopause and keep up with small babies. And two miracle babies at that, I am so grateful for even been given the chance to be a mother. I just wish I was having a hotflash out of anger from my kids coloring all over our walls instead of a real hotflash. I know how a granny must feel when she is babysitting her grands. Its just not normal at 37...Supposedly the pill is helping me with the symptoms. But some days I take 2 or even 3 pills just so I can maybe sleep that night or the night after, beggars cant be choosers. I sometimes wonder if I am not addicted to the pill. Some people crave a beer at he end of a hard day. Me, after a day with the kids, I crave a birth control pill. I can see the headlines now...Menopause Mommy Overdoes on Birth control!
But just like everything else, I will get through this. Menopause won't last forever and the positive side is I will be through the hell and my girlfriends still have the joy to look forward to...Life goes on.