Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Part-time mama

When I went back to work after having my second child, a friend of mine asked me a painful question: How did I like being a part-time mama? I felt knives through the heart every time I rolled the new title around in my head. I was working. I was leaving my kids, part-time with a daycare. She was right...I was a part-time mama.

I kept this title for myself for quite some time...until I realized it was bogus (I know I am showing my age with this term). But it was. In fact, I was not a part-time mama at all. I worked part-time and my kids went to daycare for 3 days a week, but I still worried, thought, worried, cried, arranged things and worried ALL of the time.

Matter of fact, because I work part-time I have to do double the housework because the Baby Daddy thinks since I work part-time I should do even more since he works full-time. Plus, I have more time for doctor appointments, shopping and any other things in between. So it didn't take me long to see that I would be better off working full-time.

And at work I am beginning to notice I tend to over compensate for just being there half of the week. I often stay later and push myself to do more and more because I feel guilty for being there only part-time. And in between poopie diapers and snotty noses, I worry, think and worry and worry about work. I know neurotic and probably doesn't make sense, but once again it's a mother's guilt. Work used to be my only child.

Most importantly, I realize no matter how far away I am from the rug rats, they are in my heart full-time. The good. The bad. And the poopie. There is no such thing as a part-time mama. Just like I learned there is no such thing as a part-time job. After becoming a mother, it's all or nothing, in everything a mother does!

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