My 15 minutes of fame

This time last year, I went back to work full time after five years of staying home with the kids part time and working part time.

I won't lie and say it was a difficult decision to make to go back to work full time. I was ready, both kids were in school and I had a need. I had a need to find me again. I had lost myself in five years of wiping dirty butts and noses.

Again I will be truthful,  I was at rock bottom, lying in the murky swamp of insecurity. I was drained of all self confidence as a mother and I had lost the person I was before having kids. I needed something to help me pull myself out of this funk, and working full time did this for me.

It wasn't easy at first. I missed my babies, but then again, they were in school all day. I thought to myself what would I be doing for those 8 hours they were in school. The answer came quickly: laundry and cleaning. So, after the first week of full time work I began to realize the importance of moments in life, especially as a parent.

I think I have written about this before, but it is such an important realization in my life, I will say it again. Life is about quality not quantity. My life is now about the beautiful moments with my kids, either on weekends or at bed time. I know most mommies might be cringing now thinking "wow you never see your kids".  But I do, I see them all day in my heart. 

Enjoying my babies
Since the day my babies were born, I never really enjoyed them they way I enjoy them now. I know horrible, five years of neglected moments, but another thing I have learned as a mother is not to look back. I have my special moments now especially when I walk into my door from work every evening. 

When I walk in the door after work, I suddenly become a rock star and my two biggest fans are waiting patiently for my arrival. They yell and scream my name when they hear me come in. Most of the time at least one of them jumps on me and swings from my neck. They are my groupies and I am  the center of their world. I am their Michael Jackson, their Katy Perry, I am their Mama Gaga!

At that moment, I am the happiest. I wallow in their familiar smells. I give them a day full of kisses. I cherish that moment and that feeling. I tuck it away in my heart so I can take it out and remember on a hard day at work or when they are grown up.

I get all I can because like everyone else, my 15 minute of fame fades fast. They run off quickly to finish their Lego Death star or Rainbow Loom bracelet. I fade into the nightly routine and my moment is gone.

But not the energy. I feel that love so intensely that cleaning up the dinner dishes isn't so bad and beginning the laundry is a piece of cake. I could hardly believe it, I now GET energy from my kids!

However going back to work is not only about these moments. Of course, its about finding "me" again too. A year has passed, and well I haven't found "me" back but the person I discovered in her place is so much better. I found Me 2.0 and I love her! 

It is really like waking up after five years in a coma. I am starting over and work helped me find my way. I feel valued again, I feel productive and this allows me to have the courage to follow my dreams. Most importantly, I can set an example for my daughter. I want her to one day remember me as a strong woman with the courage and strength to pursue my passion.

This is just me, I am sure other people have other ways, but for me, going back to work is what did it. Over the past year my confidence has risen from the dead. I will never be the most confident person, but that's Ok because that is another thing I learned so far as a mother, no one is! Me, Mama Gaga, resident rockstar is happy being a full time working mother who loves spending time with her kids.