Friday, May 11, 2012

It's Mine!

Once upon a time, there was this mama who was shopping with her two perfectly misbehaving kids in the supermarket when she passed by the candy aisle. And what a coincidence, just at that moment PMS struck this poor mother making her do the unthinkable: buy a nice king size chocolate bar all for HERSELF.

She knew the only way to accomplish this mission was to distract the little snot noses, so she quickly sent them on a milk run, giving her just enough time to slip the bar into the basket undetected. Phase One of her Mission accomplished! The chocolate was hidden away in the shopping basket and the two little snot noses were none the wiser. Now for Phase Two: paying for the chocolate and somehow getting it from the basket to shopping bag without discovery.

Bells went off in this most desperate mama's head with the perfect plan...she gave the kids money to ride the toy train at the front of the shop where she could still keep an eye on them while checking out. Off they went and the chocolate was paid for and safely placed in the bottom of the shopping bag. "All mine," she thought!

By the time this PMS crazed mother reached home, her mouth was almost dripping just thinking about that first bite of her own little piece of heaven. She imagined how the chocolate would melt on her finger tips just before she could get it into her mouth. She would chew slowly each little square savoring the pure ecstasy of her treat. Ahhhhh a mother's ultimate orgasm.

So inside she rushed and by the time the groceries were unloaded (except that one bag) and the kids all settled, she had to come up with another diversion so she could slip away undetected!

Desperate times called for desperate measures so she quickly put on Dora the Explorer on the laptop. Her good friend Dora would keep their attention for at least 10 minutes, and that was all she needed.

She all but crawled away and hid in the last place the kids would ever look for her...the shower! She quietly slipped the bar out of the grocery bag under her shirt and tip-toed to the solitude of the shower room.

She passionately ripped off the paper exposing the smooth darkness of her very own special dark. She took one last look at the perfectly chiseled squares, each bulging with the sweet cocoa aroma. "My precious", she said and she couldn't take it any longer. They had to become one. Her hands quivered. Just before the drool began to cascade down her chin, she sank her teeth into her creamy piece of escape.

The rich, bitter-sweetness filled every corner of her mouth and her taste buds screamed out in pure bliss. Just at that moment the door flung open. Busted. The two little weasels probably smelled the chocolate the second the wrapper came off. And she knew they wouldnt leave without at least one piece of her Precious. Sure enough, the begging began and she was defeated. Each grubby hand was rewarded with a chunk and they scurried off leaving the poor mother broken in her defeat.

She stepped out of the shower back into reality and held on tight to what was left of her guilty pleasure. And at that moment she smiled and realized it was one of the many truths of being a mother: sometimes a quickie is better than nothing!

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